jet black

deery-lou.
sunday was spent reconnecting with my old peep chen. it had been some time since we last hung out. we've both been busy doing our own thing and our paths just never seemed to crossed. that's the one thing i truly miss about living closer to friends. to be able to just call someone up during the week and meet for a drink or whatever. now my life has come down to planning. for those that really know me—well you know how good i am at that. we met up in hongdae. our day started out in a cafe, who's name escapes me. i really got to be better at remembering the names. from there we ventured to purple records. i was looking for kristin hersh's new cd. of course it was a bust. i asked the lady if she could order it. she wrote down my number but we'll see if it actually happens. [fingers crossed]. seeing that food was much needed we grabbed some sandwiches at jenny's. this seems to be the spot chen and i always end up at. their sandwiches do rock though. and i was so craving one. of course a day out with chen wouldn't be the same without hitting the anime shops so that's what we did. i scored three new toys for my collection. luck must have been on my side cuz i ended up with the ones i wanted. one never knows which character is going to be inside those boxes. we had a brief jaunt through fashion street and youth town which is in front of ewha women's university. i scored a white pully that looks like its out of blade runner. me was very excited. it's very rare that the "one size" fits. we ended the evening meeting up with mz. amber at a tea place that looked like my mommom's house.

last night i had a dream. it had something to do with my friend shortcake. although in the dream it wasn't her per se. the gist of it escapes me; however, i do remember the end. i was in a house. a big colonial style house. it was mine. i was wearing a robe and blue slippers. i was walking down the stairs, heading toward the big, white door. my hand reached out for the gold knob and opened the door. outside night was still there. i stepped out onto the opened porch which was the length of the house. as my foot touched the ground i heard a crunching sound. snow. the porch was covered in fresh snow. i hadn't even noticed it before. everything was covered in a fresh blanket of snow. on the corner of the porch were two girls. one was in lavender. they made a comment about the snow. although i don't recall exactly what was said. i replied but my words escape me. i shortly awoke to the sound of my phone. it was pevil. she had called to tell me that shortcake had passed away. i was at a loss for words. while speaking with pevil, i kept looking at the photo of shortcake and i on my wall. it was good to speak to pevil. we were able to laugh a little, which is always good. i spent my morning in some what of a daze. i guess we are never quite prepared to hear about a friend's death. it got me thinking. life is too unexpected. you just never know when things will change. i've so many friends out there that i seldom speak to and i want that to change. it's time to make an effort. an effort to reach out at least once a month to just say hi. i don't want to lose another without them knowing that i care. i will surely miss shortcake, who i often thought of as a little sister. she was full of spunk and had a great spirit about her. i hadn't spoken to her in awhile so i'm not really sure what was going on in her life. she had seemed happy the last time we chatted. i only wish that where ever she is now that she has found some peace. i will think of you often. goodbye, shortcake.

today's bit of news also made me think of yet another friend i had lost about 6 years ago. at that time i wrote something to her. it seems only fitting to share it now:

untitled
it's hard to express how i feel
never to be one who is forthcoming with emotions
i keep things bottled up waiting to explode

i wanted to call the minute i learned
of your ailing condition but i was afraid
for i did not know what to say

a small part of me imagined i'd see you at christmas
most likely not wanting to believe the truth

i heard about your condition just weeks before
the shock of the news just never sunk in
i hoped you would conquer this, like you did before

never in all my life did i imagine that i'd get that fateful call
i listened to the message twice
hoping, wishing i had heard it wrong

both times the words "bonnie pasted away"
were clear as a bell
there was no mistaken it

i wish i had the courage to call you
to hear your sweet angelic voice

a voice that made me laugh so many times
just to hear it one more time

stay gold & be well…