limbo

deery-lou.
hard training. hard training. hard training. those were the words of wisdom spoken by my kwanjangnim tuesday night. deja-vu anyone!! he keeps talking about me going for my second dan [second black belt]. the problem is i don't feel motivated to get a second black belt. i achieved my initial goal of getting a black belt and can't quite see beyond that. perhaps my attitude would change if i felt like i was improving but i feel like i haven't. my dolryo-chogi [round house kick] is still a major thorn in my side. my mind knows what its suppose to do but my body doesn't seem to catch on. especially when i have to do it naturally or fast. being a naturally tensed person i find it quite hard to relax. a big part of taekwondo is relaxing then given all your power at the end. i want to put all my power into it from the beginning. so i frustrated. i'm trying to find some to respark my interest. no luck. all i do know is that i really don't want to quit. or maybe i do and i'm just fooling myself. during my conversation [if you can really call it that] with kwanjangnim he mentioned that he felt i had become somewhat uninterested. saying i was doing very hard training before getting my black belt and now not so much. thats where the hard training, hard training, hard training came back to haunt me. he's concerned that i won't be ready to go to kukkiwon for my second dan especially when it comes to sparring. he made a jesture of me gettting kicked in the face then pointed to himself and hung his head low. translation: if i go and look like i haven't improved he'll be ashamed. must say i don't really blame him. afterall being at kukkiwon with all your peers you don't want to look like you can't teach. i had to agree with him. i'm by no means reading to get my second dan. i'm just hoping that the interest comes backs. on a second note kwanjangnim asked me about weight training. awhile ago i had told sahbumnim that i wanted to work on getting inshape especially my stomach. kwanjangnim said he had a friend who was a weight training master. not sure where thats going to go but hoping i'll be able to start a new kind of program soon. until then i'm going to stick it out no matter how much i'd rather be doing nothing.

be well…

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