one is not a lonely word...

deery-lou.
usually thats how i feel about things. often i don't mind being by myself. there's something about it thats actually quite nice. however, this weekend i was hit with a new found depression. not really sure where it came from. on saturday i was out in jungang-dong searching for sheets for my new bed. YES!! i got a new double bed. no more twin for this boy. so i'm out shopping. something i usually quite enjoy here in korea. but this outing was much different. as i walked down the busy streets i felt so alien—so alone. everywhere i looked there were couples. couples holding hands, couples eating together, etc. then i realized everyone was asian. and again i felt very alone. i was hungry but yet i couldn't be bothered to go into a restaurant and deal with all the people and the language barrier. there are some days when i just don't want to be bothered. when i got to 2001 outlet it was packed with people. people bumping me, staring at me, and just annoying me for no apparent reason. i rode the escaltor up what felt like 20 floors until i finally found the bedding section. of course i couldn't find what i wanted. mostly because they don't have sheets and fitted sheets here. they have what you call mattress covers. most of which are padded. and then padded sheets. the whole process was pissing me off. it was taking far too much time. i spent 30 mins with the sales lady trying to converse with her. she kept trying to sell me some padded cover for w30,000. which i would never spend that much in the states for a damn fitted sheet. finally i left with no purchases. i decided to stop in at my two favorite stores in that area in hopes of picking up my spirits. my attempt was fruitless. i usually have so much fun in these stores but it felt like such a chore to be there. i did find a few things for friends. nothing for me though. i decided to walk to homeplus to search for lining there. on my way i was going to stop in this shop that ho mentioned awhile back. its in some big building and they are suppose to have a good stationary store. however when i got to the building i just didn't want to deal with searching for it so i left. at homeplus it took me awhile to find the bedding department. they had completely rearranged the store since the last time i was there. i ran into the same problem there. they just don't have bedding like we do in the states. i finally found a mattress cover that was like a fitted sheet. but no bed sheet. the woman told me they don't have them. which makes sense cuz when i got home i looked at my old bed sheet and it was actually a blanket cover. whatever! on my way out i grabbed a delicious chicken wrap and a mini pizza. although when i was trying to buy my wrap it was all in korean and the lady behind the counter had to call someone else over to help her out. these are the times that i get so mad at myself for not being able to read korean better. i couldn't wait to get home and lock myself in my apartment. everything felt like such a chore. i didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. i wanted was bad tv. this is the first time since being here that i've felt this blue. and it seems like its for no apparent reason. as much as i love living here there's a part of me that realizes i'll never really truly fit in. i noticed that the bar scene here is quite different than inthe states. when we go out with friends at a bar we generally talk to other people too. it not the case here. friends stick with friends. i'm sure alot of it too is that they are probably afraid to talk to foreigners but it would be cool to go out and meet locals. i just don't see it happening. and on top of everything else i have this cough that just won't go away. wow. its like bitch, bitch, bitch for me right now. sorry guys. i'm sure in a few days i'll be back to normal. whatever that is. there is some good news. i've recently discovered that i can't get enough of korean food. i've been going out to lunch and dinner with young alot lately. its like my body craves all the various sidedishes that are offered. and all i want to do is eat, eat, eat. even today i ran to the sidedish lady and got some kimchi radishes. on one hand there's a part of me thats glad i can't read korean cuz i'd probably be eating out so much. although eating by yourself is never really that fun. even now i can't stop thinking about side dishes. i think i'm going crazy. then there's the whole sex thing. i can't seem to get sex off my mind. everywhere i look i see a ck. its like i have a one track mind. am i destined for a life in sex. perhaps i should become the carrie bradshaw of the g-world. there is a silver lining though. the band that i saw with jenny last year is playing this saturday. they have a new name "the mustangs". its an indie-k band. so i'm quite excited about this. hopefully with their lineup/name change they haven't changed their sound. that would be sad. i believe my buddy chen is going with me. it'll be good to see her. i haven't seen her in a week and realized that i miss hanging with her. she always puts me in a good mood. perhaps its because we are both on the same wave length. all right my friends…

be well…