feeling good

deery-lou.
wow. i'm not even sure where to begin. my whole trip home feels like a distance dream. i'm not even sure what day it is. all i do know is that i'm really glad i went. attending my grandmother's funeral and being with family was something that i needed to do. and it felt right. its unfortunate how circumstances like this brings family together. gone are the days when families live relatively close. we are now scattered across the u.s. and beyond. it great seeing my aunts, uncles, and cousins. i haven't seen them for over eight years. it was especially nice to see uncle jim and his family. i had become quite close to them when i lived in baltimore. i usually spent my weekends with them. they were always good to me and invited me to join them on their family outings. i had many dinners with them, went to a few of david's soccer games, and spent many afternoons drinking beers and chatting with jim. for that i'm truly grateful. i wouldn't trade that opportunity for anything. i'm also thankful that i got to be there for my mom and sister. my grandmother's death is going to be especially hard on my mom. she has taken care of her for so long now. not quite sure it has really sunk in yet for my mom. she appeared strong. i'm sure that day will come and i hope she knows that i'm only a phone call away if she needs to talk.

the service we had for my grandmother was nice. its always strange looking at a body just laying there. there are times when you expect her to just sit up and start talking. there's also a strangeness to how cold and hard the bodies are. when my lips touch my grandmother's cheek a chill ran through my body. standing over the coffin and said a few words to her and then tuck a note i had written her under her arm which cradles a stuffed seal i had given to my sister so many years ago. apparently my grandmother had become quite fond the seal and carried it with her. and now it would be going with her. it was hard watching my uncle jim speak at the service. it was the first time i had ever seen him so emotional. he spoke so elegantly about my grandmother. and every once in awhile stopping to collect himself. i could tell it hard for him and i was glad to be there to support him. the hardest and most emotional part was watching my sister speak. she had asked beforehand to read what she had wrote. it was tough for him to read it to myself yet alone to hear her speak the words. i knew it took a lot for her to get up there. i'm so proud of her. we spent the rest of the day back at the hotel catching up with everyone. beers were drank. food eaten. it was all quite nice.

on thursday everyone left. my friend tracy picked up in the morning and took me back to her house. i spent the day there watching the style channel. i too exhausted to do anything. although i did manage to get out and get some chick filet. a chicken sandwich never tasted so good. that night we headed up to st. andrews pub for some cocktails. we were joined by jay, karen, and hillary. it was great to see everyone. even though it was somewhat of a tease for on friday i'd be heading back. its always nice to catch up with old friends. especially the ones i know would do anything for me and these guys would. i'm so lucky to have them in my life and look forward to longer visit with them next time.

on my way to orlando, while sitting in the tokyo airport i watched all the people milling about. there were couples, friends, families, and those traveling solo. it made me yearn for that time in my life when i have a chance to take a trip with a partner. as i sat there i started to become absorbed with the people around me. wanting to know their stories and often times inventing my own for them. before leaving seoul i had my hair product taken. not realizing there was a 100ml rule on liquids i tried to smuggle a 200ml onto the flight. i tried to argue that it was half full making it 100ml but they wouldn't budge. not sure why i cared so much except for the fact that it works real good in my hair. needless to say i didn't was my hair for the next three days. hehe. during this trip i also noticed that flying makes me extremely hungry and thirsty. its as if i can't get enough. on the way back to korea i ended up dropping $20 on snacks. sad. then there's the lack of sleep i encounter. i can seem to fall asleep for any length of time. my favorite time to sleep is right before take off. then i'm up for the rest of the duration. could it be i'm afraid i might miss out on that delicious meal they are going to serve? who knows. however, i did manage to catch a few more winks then normal on this trip. a lot of that could be due to the fact that the movie selection sucked and i finished my book on the way there. i did manage to read both interview and entertainment weekly from cover to cover. overall it was 3 planes to orlando and 3 planes back. thats a hell of a lot of planes if you ask me. on the way to orlando from newark we literally sat in the plane for an hour before leaving the runway. apparently we were waiting for some flight attendants. once they came we had to taxi for quite awhile before taking off. to make matters worse i was surrounded by high school students returning from spring break. at one point the girl in my row asked if i was all right. she said she thought i was about to freak out. i laughed and told her not to worry. there was no freak out coming. at least not yet.

i got quite a few comments about my glasses. besides my family one of the flight attendants said they were cute.hehe. my nephew who's 4 told me he liked my shoes, shirt, and hair. meanwhile his sister said my hair looked funny. what cuties. i can't believe how big they are getting. the children were very well behaved. my nephew got his hands on my cousins cell phone and keep taking pictures of everyone. then he tried to make a few calls.

while sitting in tokyo waiting for my flight back to korea my shoe broke. the back part of the sole came off. so when i walk it was like wearing a clog or something. i tried securing it with some rubber bands i had but it didn't work. i'm just thankful they managed to stay together so that i didn't have to walk barefooted home.

Feeling Good
Nina Simone

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin on by you know how I feel

Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel

Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

stay gold & be well…