bullets

deery-lou.
i've had a rather retrospective last couple of weeks. i've come across a bunch of old writings, ramblings, etc. from college and after. it's been quite interesting to travel back down that path. in a lot of ways i'm still that insecure kid finding his place. granted, i've made great progress but i still have a long way to go. i know the kind of person i want to be and i'm constantly trying to get myself there. for those that know me, i'm a very private person. i tend to keep my feelings/emotions bottled up. letting very few in. including my family. those that i have let in are very dear to me and you know who you are. my sister and i are like night and day. she's very upfront with how she feels. i admire her for that. anyway...i've decided that it's in my best interest to work on these insecurities. i've been thinking about it even more so since saturday night when chen asked me so sum up my insecurities in one word. opening up ourselves to expose our vulnerabilities is scary. we all want to be protected in some way. that's how i feel about my writing. its what makes me vulnerable. i've only shared a few with others. most of the time they stay hidden away. the writings are not all personal. some are simply just stories. but no matter what it is, its still very personal to me. years ago i've thought about compiling these writing into a book. not necessarily for mass publication but for myself. why am i babbling on and on about all this? well—after opening pandora's box so to speak i decided its about time to start exposing myself. to get these writings/thoughts out there. so from time to time i'll leave behind the day to day routines of my life here and post things that are a bit more personal. the works are still in there infancy. they are by no means completely refined but i want to get them out there. feel free to comment. whether you like something or not. any feedback is worth getting.

i'm also going to add a new weekly feature to my blog. i've decided that since i now have wednesday evenings to myself its going to be korean cinema night. i have a stock pile of movies i've bought which i have yet to watch. so thursday's post is going to be devoted to wednesday's movie. i'm not really sure what the tone will be like but it won't be a typical review. cuz as you all know, i don't really do anything in the typical fashion.

have i mentioned that it's freakin cold here. we had one week of fall and now its winter. oh how i miss fall. hopefully this winter weather is only temporary. i would definitely enjoy a little more fall.

for now i'm going leave you with this first piece of writing. it's going to be part of the collection i don't ride in brown train cars, the book i hope to one day finish.

room 212
i went looking for love
on a night i felt so alone.
to want the feel of another's touch
gently carressing my soft white skin.
the desire to be wanted
built up within me.

it started online
a simple chat of chance.
the anoymity of the person on the other end
a stranger who enticed me and left me wanting more.
we gravitated to the phone
to further our pursuit.
just who was chasing whom
still yet to be discovered.
the whole time being
masked by the ambiguity of idle chit chat.

be well…