capturing moods

deery-lou.
* this is a rather old rant that i've been waiting to post. better late than never

ever since the arrival of our new teachers back in august, whom i'll refer to as kazilla, the two-headed monster, our school hasn't quite been the same. they brought with them an air of negativity, disrespectfulness, immaturity, and blatant laziness. kazilla seems to be of the "me" generation. not really concerned with others except themselves. being a fellow american, their actions were often quite embarrassing. on several occasions the koreans have asked if their behavior is typical of americans. to which i had to answer no. kazilla is of the sort that love to hear themselves speak. no matter how inappropriate it is. a needy being. kazilla was looking for anything out there to make itself feel good. its a needy creature. i was quite happy when kazilla quit my taekwondo class. they often treated my master with disrespect and would run its mouth about inappropriate things. once kazilla was discussing how it was going to please her man over the weekend. i don't care if the kids understand english or not. that kind of conversation should not be discussed in a class with children. kazilla's antics didn't stop there. even at school it often treated the job with discontempt. kazilla came in late, spoke in a language unsuitable for school, and discussed personal matters in the classroom. i got word that kazilla told her students she had over 50 boyfriends. then she went on to discuss the private lives of other teachers including myself. mainly how this teacher liked that one and how i liked boys. i'm not ashamed of being gay but there are certain things about my life especially being in korea that just aren't meant for the students to know. i have sat back for the past five months holding my breathe. it got to a point where my boss asked me not to speak to them. it blows my mind that people don't know how to behave in a professional manner. during our halloween party i had to ask kazilla twice to get off the computer [she was on msn] and stay with her class. had kazilla been working back in the states they would have long been fired from this job. but seeing that this is korea and the stakes for the koreans are much higher its just not that simply. this past week kazilla quit. needless to say i was thrilled. hopefully now we'll get back on track.

update: there was a brief moment when my boss tried to convince one of them to stay longer. which i couldn't believe. i think that was the point where i lost complete faith in the school. even though she said she would she left that weekend leaving a note telling them. kazilla is definitely going to have a rude awakening back in the states. but good riddance.

stay gold & be well…

aisha

deery-lou.
yesterday two of my students were struck with a need to create art. have they been watching shear genius [the project runway for hairdressers]? i know i have especially since former angel jacyln smith is the host. anyway, i sat back and let them create their master piece using crayons and my hair. here's what they can up with:

the final creation

top view

lily, one of the artist

stay gold & be well…

you better run

deery-lou.
it's 4:39 pm, friday, april 27 in california. coachella officially started at 2pm. my friends have rented a pad in palm springs and most likely spent the morning sitting poolside. this is the third year i've missed and i must say that this year's lineup looks awesome. not a huge fan of giant concert events, coachella is quite unlike all the others. a day spent in the sun, listening to excellent music, drinking beers, and hanging with great friends. but the best part is chillin at the house before and after the day's event. the one thing i can say is that i've never been bored there. about to take to the various stages are: silversun pickups, of montreal, david guetta, tilly and the walls, and gillian welch. what i wouldn't do to be there. the one thing i truly miss about being home besides the obvious friends and family is the music. since living in korea i feel so out of touch. thankfully though i have my friends and bagelradio to keep me updated. perhaps 2008 will be my return to the music festival.

this week i've still found myself in a constant struggle. that is basically motivating myself to teach. the kids are great but i feel like i'm burnt out. teaching non-stop from 9:30 to 5:40 on monday, wednesday, and friday has definitely taken its toll. then throw in the disorganization of the kindergarten school and you've got yourself a mess. i keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel but its barely flicking. for now i'm just trying to get through until vacation comes in july. the one thing i don't want to happen is for my negative attitude towards the school to reflect onto the children. so everyday i try my best to put on the "happy" face for all the little faces. amongst the teachers and staffers i feel like an outsider. its come to my attention that some things have been said about me. granted i know people talk crap and that doesn't really bother me its more of how this particular individual has a way making it appear like "poor me". i can't help it for you can't do your job. and believe me i'm not afraid to tell you so. from my experience the korean teachers at my school don't like confrontation. so instead of talking to you about a problem they might have they'll just whine and complain to each other. i guess the charm had to wear off sometime. i had a good two and half years there so perhaps the cards are telling me to start a new game.

its been 14 days since "the bf" [can i even call him that anymore] told me he needed a week to reflect on his life. which leaves me to contemplate my next move. do i call/contact him? or just wait to see if he'll do it. the hardest thing about this whole situation is how he kept telling me he needed to talk to me when he got back to korea and since he's been back he's barely made contact. sometimes you need to grow a pair and face things head on. at this point i just want to know where we stand. but i have a feeling, due to the lack of contact where its going. now its just a matter of hearing it for myself.

stay gold & be well…

girl afraid

deery-lou.
some days you just need a little rainbow connection.



debbie harry rocks!!

stay gold & be well…

mr. kadali

deery-lou.
what do you get when you load a bunch of teachers onto a bus to head off for an office workshop? a disaster waiting to happen. we were literally on the bus for ten minutes when my boss busted out the soju and everyone started doing shots. well, everyone but me. i had decided early on that this would be an alcohol free workshop for me. from that moment i knew things could only go down hill and they did. our workshops always start off with good intentions. namely to discuss whats happening at our school. but somehow they never seem to accomplish their mission. instead we end up with a bunch of drunk teachers who are suffering from hangovers the next morning. we have 4 new foreign teachers at our school and unfortunately two of them suffer from extreme frat boy mentality when drunk. by the time we reached our destination people were already drunk and the drinking continued. now don't get me wrong, i do enjoy having a few cocktails here and there but there's a time and place for everything. being completely drunk and acting like an ass at your company workshop is not one of them. i was quite surprised and embarrassed by their actions. back in the states i make it a point to avoid the loud abrasive drunk. its not my idea of having a good time. the disrespect they showed to complete strangers and fellow employees was appalling. one of them who i'll refer to as teacher x was full on flirting with one of the korean girls who work at our school. teacher x made it a point to tell me how he was using her just like she was using him. how he like that he had her. he seemed to get off on how submissive she acted toward him and kept asking her to get him things. its clear that she likes him and i can't quite figure out if teacher x is playing her or not. teacher y on the other hand was just your typical frat boy drunk. we had to tell him a couple of times to keep his voice down and to stop saying fuck so much in front of the females. he ended up falling down at one point and thats when one of the bosses told both teacher x and teacher y they needed to go to bed. i had a slight confrontation with teacher x when i tried to go upstairs to get my stuff. he shoved his hand into my chest to block me from going up the stairs and told me that i couldn't go up. he said we all needed to stay downstairs. i pushed his arm aside letting him know that i was going up to get my stuff. when i entered the room teacher y had climbed out the window and was now laying on the roof. a korean teacher was talking to him from the window. i didn't bother to involved myself. as i left the room teacher x was still on the staircase. i told him to never speak or act like that again. through out the night young teacher had to go up to the room to tell teacher y to keep the noise down. not only was he talking extremely loud but he was punching the closet door. eventually things seemed to calm down upstairs and sleep finally overcame me.

when we arrived at the resort that night there a korean film crew there working on the drama witch yu hee. according to the the korean teachers it was a very famous drama right now. aren't they all. it was cool to watch them film scenes. although we had to be quiet for most of the evening which was quite hard for the two drunk teachers. all the female korean teachers were so excited especially because one of the actors was dennis oh, who they all think is so handsome. it was actually quite cute to see them act like school girls. in the morning the filming continued so we got to watch a few more scenes being shot before our meeting. of course due the nature of all the drinking being done we didn't start on time. then again we never seem to. by the time the meeting started we didn't really have much time and it felt like we didn't get much accomplished. there was far too much outside talking and he often seemed to get off the subject at hand. i still have no idea what we were suppose to talk about. i did notice that teacher x and teacher y like to talk and talk loudly which seems to intimate the koreans. i will say this about them though. when they are sober they are quite respective and kind. it's the alcohol that seems to set them over the edge. so i don't think i'll be going out drinking with them anytime soon.

we packed up and cleaned up then headed off for yongmunsa. we spent the afternoon there. the weather was fantastic. a shorts and t-shirt kind of day. we hiked up to a temple. there was nothing really special about the temple. i think that i've seen so many now that they've lost their awe for me. i was just enjoying being outside and taking in the fresh air. on the was down we stopped by the stream. i wanted to get my feet wet. the water was ice cold but felt invigorating. i splashed around for awhile until i could no longer feel my feet. before heading home we went to a tea house. it was dark and cool inside. the decor was quite cool. the benches and table were made out of wood and there were lots of lighted screens. i could have sat in there for hours drinking coffee, smoking, and relaxing.

pictures from yungmunsa here.

stay gold & be well…

dashboard

deery-lou.
we filed out of the building in pairs of two like the animals did for noah. instead of boarding an ark we shuffled onto a light purple bus. one that i'm sure would belong to the joker if he drove a bus. the loud print of the curtains would keep anyone from sleeping. the plastic flowers toward the front added that special touch. i quickly grabbed a solo seat. on the television pinocchio was playing in korean. i opted to drown out all the noise by listening to my ipod. the day's selection we were dead before the ship even sank by modest mouse. an album i'm thoroughly enjoying. although the lyrics are often dark, his voice rather husky and deep, the music fills me with a feeling i can't quite explain. and in a good way. every once in a while a child would tap my arm trying to get my attention. you could sense their excitement. we were on our way. the destination…mulhyanggi arboretum.

it was a rather short jaunt to the arboretum. a little shy of an hour. this was our first field trip of many to come. that's the one benefit to teaching kindergarten—the field trips. it reminded me of when i was in school. field trips were always fun. whether it was to the colonial village, john young's planetarium, or saint augustine the best part was always the frozen soda my mom packed in my lunch. a field trip as a teacher is a new experience. it was a blast to watch the children enjoy themselves. although i realized that we could have taken them to a giant dirt mound and they would be just as happy. it the whole notion of being able to run around outside that they like. the arboretum itself was all right. it was bit too early for a visit. the trees, plants, and flowers were still in their winter state so it was mostly bare trees. the hues consisted of browns and greens. there were a few flowers in bloom but overall not much to keep your attention. especially for an adult. like i said, it didn't matter to the children. i'm sure its beautiful in the height of spring. we stayed for a few hours walking the grounds. before heading back we had lunch by the lake. missing were the sandwiches, chips, and soda. instead they had variations of kimbop, grapes, water, and juice.

caleb

andy

davis & me

future angels [esther & irene]

ladies by the lake

joanna

and then there was this sigh by the bridge…


now i know the cars here are small but they aren't small enough to fit on a foot bridge.

for more pix of the trip to mulhyanggi arboretum go here.

the cherry blossoms are in bloom. walking around town you can see them everywhere. there's something about cherry blossoms. they make the bleakest, coldest rainy day more beautiful. you can't help but feel enchanted by them. they have a mystical quality about them. i often find myself lost in their power. i could wonder around under their protection for hours. and during that time all is good.

i had dinner with my taekwondo class on wednesday. i kept teasing my kwanjangnim about having a pizza party. he finally took me up on the offer. although we had pork instead of pizza. i always myself hanging out with him and sahbomnim. i tried to get sahbomnim to speak more english but it was useless.

lately i've been somewhat in a funk. its been over a week since daniel has been back and i haven't seen him yet. some family stuff came up which kept us from meeting last saturday. i finally got to speak to him on friday. the conversation didn't go as well as i hope. his going through some stuff and needs time to think things over. so currently we are on a break. although i completely understand and respect that he needs this time its hard. we spent so much time together before he left that i feel there's now a void. so for now i'm giving him his space and hopefully next weekend when i return from my office retreat we'll be able to get together and sort things out. i'm not quite ready to give up yet.

stay gold & be well…

iou

deery-lou.
it's night. i'm standing on the corner waiting to cross the street. "iou" by metric is playing on my ipod. as i look around i notice that i'm surrounded by uniformed high students. i catch them sneaking glances at me. will the novelty ever wear off. oh, and its my birthday. i'm spending a rather quiet birthday. taking a page from my dear friend bc. sure i could go to a bar and drink vodka tonics—been there, done that. besides i've yet to find that place that sells pint-sized vts. instead i spent my evening working out in my taekwondo class. and i definitely got a workout tonight. my legs ache. i'm exhausted. but its a good exhausted. overall i had a pretty good day. i got a call from bc in the early morning. it was great to hear her voice. also got a chance to chat with kate during one of my classes. before hanging up i had my students all say "goodbye kate". got some birthday greetings from friends and family. plus had a mini party at school. besides the teachers some of the kindergarten students were there to sing and eat cake. it was a frozen yam cake. yes, i said yam. it had the consistency of a cheese cake minus the cheese cake taste. actually it wasn't that bad. watching the children sing to me was the best though. they are so cute. they get excited about the littlest things. all their hands were going into the cake, licking the icing before i even had a chance to cut it. my sister sent a box of goodies, a sunprint kit [which is awesome], and an aquaman t-shirt. score! i think i'm going out with a few peeps on friday so i'll squeeze in a few vts then. i did buy myself a new pair of shoes which my sis will be shipping to me. thought it was time to change up the old style here. afterall i'm a little shy of 40. all righty, time to eat the chocolate ball i bought myself as b-day treat. nite nite.

stay gold & be well…

most of us prizefighters

deery-lou.
on friday we had our easter party. in preparation for the big day we decorated eggs and hid them throughout the school. seeing that white eggs are almost impossible to find we had about 30 brown eggs to decorate. i came up with the idea to just put stickers on the eggs. i mean, who wants to sit there and paint stencils onto the eggs like they wanted too. not me. so off i went to the stationary store to find up some easter-like stickers. in addition to the real eggs we also had some chocolate kinder eggs that were filled with jelly beans and some little toys in an egg container. someone had the bright idea to wrap all the eggs in tin foil. that way the kids wouldn't be able to tell the chocolate ones from the real ones. as if it really mattered. so after class i found myself wrapping eggs. boring!!!

easter eggs hunts were always my favorite part of easter. i could do without the chocolate and candy. tearing through my house as a child in search of the those eggs was always the thrill. my sister and i made my parents hide eggs up until we were in high school. of course by this time the plastic eggs were filled with pocket change. when i was three my pops took my sister and i to an easter egg hunt hosted by the city we lived in. children were separated into age groups. my father not knowing my age signed me up for the five year olds group. needless to say i didn't get any eggs that year.

the egg hunt was a big hit with the kids. they ran around the school in herds searching them out. it took them awhile to figure out that it would be best to go off on their own. aferall 16 kids in one room only the strong would survive. it was fun to watch them. they'd run up to us saying "hint, hint". i tried to give them the old "you're getting hot or cold" but that was lost on them. my hints turned into me actually showing them where the egg was. prizes were given to all the children depending on how many eggs they found. they all found one at least one. the rest of the day was spent making crafts. the kids were separated into age groups: 7 year olds & 5-6 year olds. in my class we made bunny head pencil toppers. which really meant that claire & i did most of the work.

bunny pencil topper

5/6 year olds

7 year olds

it seems like the days when we have parties are so much harder than normal days. its probably because we are constantly on the go. the easter party was no exception. to make matters worse our head teacher didn't show up until 2pm. thats when kindergarten ends. she never bothered to call either. let's just say i was slightly pissed. especially since it meant we all had to do more. when she finally arrived it looked as if she had been drinking all night, which was probably the case. i think she spent most of her classes watching movies. hmm. at point during the day i found her asleep. two students noticed her sleeping as well. now that's a great example to set. her class was about to start so i went up to our director and told her that someone needs to wake her up. come on! of course by the time school was over she felt well enough to go out again.

teaching is H.A.R.D

as i've mentioned before i've been teaching overtime until we get a new teacher at the junior school. one of the classes i have are these two boys hyeong-joon and tae-gon. these two are definitely a handful. they spend most of the class time making spit bubbles and getting into trouble. but they are definitely smart boys. just a little spoiled. for some reason they seem to respond to me. i told my boss that i thought it was a mistake to give this class to the new teacher. always up for a challenge i told him that we should switch my 3:30 class with this class. that way the new teaching can have the zombie students i teach. not sure if they're gonna do it or not. i'll just have to wait and see.

hyeong-joon

tae-gon

young teacher and i went out for dinner to have a bitch session. as great as my school is, it does have its problems. after three years of no change i think i've finally have had it. there's something definitely going on there with the upper management and owner. i mean we have people there that are definitely not doing their jobs yet nothing happens. my boss will say things like "she's through" or "i'm gonna fire her" but he never does. i don't even think our head teacher got in trouble for missing most of the day. meanwhile there are those of us working our asses off and don't get recognized for it. instead they gives us more to do. all of this has gotten me to think about how much longer i'll stay in korea. however, if i do stay i do know that it's my last year at this school. i have a verbal agreement to stay there until february 2008 but my original/written contract ends in sept 2007. i'm thinking about my options.

stay gold & be well…

lord, let us shine

deery-lou.
so one of the classes i teach is art. which is funny since an artist i'm clearly not. anyway, i've been having a blast exploring my inner artist. and the best part is that my students are all amazed at my handy work. oh, if they only knew. i will admit i am enjoying their praise.

here's my lastest: clown



stay gold & be well…