runaway

deery-lou.

previously on the e-list...

i'm back. it's been a very long month, one in which i haven't much felt like blogging. in my attempt to return to normalcy, i decided it was time to return. the grieving process is definitely a long one but i'm beginning to feel like i'm making my way down that path. though i know there will never be a day where i won't miss my mother, deep down i know that it won't hurt as much. i'm just taking things day by day allowing myself to feel however i want to feel. i'm very thankful for all the amazing people i have in my life [friends/family/etc.] without them i'd be truly lost.

as we all know, mother's day was this past sunday. i had anticipated the worse, especially since this would be the first mother's day without my mom. fortunately, that was not the case. when i awoke, i actually felt fully rested which was a first for me. it was almost as if a sense of peace/calmness had engulfed me. perhaps it was my mom letting me know that things would be ok.

it was still fairly early by the time i left my house. i had decided to head to the beach, one of my mom's favorite places, to spend some quality time with her and myself. the day before i had purchased a gerber daisy to bring along with me. ever since speaking with butterbean, the gerber daisy has become somewhat of symbol for my mom. that is something i'm truly thankful for. i found a photo of my mom from a recent trip she took with her good friend. on the back of it i wrote her a message then wrapped the photo around the stem.

upon arriving at the beach, i took a little stroll along the ocean. there were a few people here and there. most of them were walking their dogs. it was quite pleasant to see how happy the dogs were to run through the sand and frolic in the ocean. i sat down on a log that i had found and spent the next few minutes gazing out into the water and reflecting on times past.

after a bit, i ventured on. i wanted to go to a more secluded part of the beach. i knew exactly where i wanted to go so i made my way there. as i walked along the trail, i realized just how much my mom would have liked it here. i pulled the flower out of my backpack and walked the rest of the way with it in my hands. that way, she was sort of with me.

having reached the desired location, i climbed out onto the rocks to find that perfect spot where the waves crashed against them. it was there that i had my little "chat" with my mom. When i had finished all that i needed to say, i tossed the flower into the ocean. the flower & photo separated. the photo landed into the ocean while the flower landed on a nearby rock. it seemed quite poetic. i sat down on the rock waiting until the waves finally carried the flower away. and then i knew that both flower & photo were together once again. happy mother's day, mom. i miss you. oxox

waves crash against rocks
opening their arms to you
your spirit floats on

just where will i end up next is anyone's guess.
stay gold & be well...