gone

deery-lou.
previously on the e-list…

baek seju, twice cooked pork, & dim sum—what a way to spend my birthday. from dinner with friends to a picnic in the park, i couldn't have asked for a better birthday. a big thanks to all of you who sent messages, cards, special treats, & came out to the park, you guys rock. the festivities started thursday night when the boyz took me to panda country kitchen for dinner. yum! now i know why they come by the bus load. then on friday, butter bean took me to muguboka for some mighty tasty korean food & baek seju. so much food. so little room in my belly for it all. and finally on saturday we had a very international picnic in golden gate park. the weather was absolutely perfect. never before have i heard so many people bitch about how hot it was. hehe

the biggest surprise had to be the "i luv uncle e" t-shirts that heather had made for the twins. so adorable. i tried to capture it on film. the twins, however, do not like to sit still. this was the best i could do:



comic, oh, and let me just say that d's taco salad kicks some major ass. he's going to have to bring that to every function from now on. that's how good it was. two friends who i haven't seen in forever showed up at the park. i love when that happens. i got a ton of goodies from my friends: a buffyspiderman tee, r.e.m. tickets, coffee maker, journal, good vs. evil unicorns, money, bunny in a cage, etc. but the best gift was from my nieces & nephew who sent me a painting. how precious is that.



the international picnic ended around late afternoon. on my way home i got a call from kiki who was in the hood with her special lady. they stopped by on their way home. i love the unexpected visit from friends. i got to show off my new pad and we chilled and chatted until they had to continue on their way. what a great way to end a perfect day.

there were more birthday shenanigans on sunday. this time it was to help celebrate kiki's big day. she's all grown up now. sniff. sniff. we spent the afternoon drinking and baking in the sun on the patio of zeitgeist. how lucky to have two gorgeous days in a row. i'm truly amazed that i didn't completely fry. thank you sunblock! you are a life saver. before calling it a night we all headed to the mint for kiki's big karaoke number. she sang "china girl" and boy did she rock it. by the time i got home i was completely spent. four days of events is a lot. especially for this boy who so seldom ventures out. to all you aries out there: happy birthday!

stay gold & be well…

park photos are here

rock lobster

deery-lou.
previously on the e-list…

while going through boxes and boxes of my crap, i came upon some illustrations by my friend phil from when i was still living in o-town. the mini-comics were based on things we experienced: whether it was a night out at wally's, dancing at barbarella, our trip to disney, etc. there's also his interpretation of our group of friends as the star wars characters. of course i had to be c3po. still not sure how i feel about that one. looking at these drawings has brought back so many memories. it seems like a lifetime ago. since leaving florida, oh so many years ago, i've sort of lost touch with phil and for that matter many of the others featured in the pictures. although i have been reunited with kathy via facebook. it's funny because phil and i have a lot of friends in common and he's even married to one of my childhood friends. but somewhere down the line our friendship just sort of fizzled. i guess that happens in life. people come and go. they fill a need and then once fulfilled move on. and in return you make new friends. its circle of life. so where am i going with all this? not really sure. just rambling and giving a nod to those people that were once in my life and have now moved on. i also wanted to share some of the drawings with you.





to see the others plus pictures taken with my holga over christmas click here

stay gold & be well…

p.s. the other day upon entering my apartment building an old asian woman told me i was so handsome and that i looked like a movie star. i sure do love living here. hehe

jet black

deery-lou.
sunday was spent reconnecting with my old peep chen. it had been some time since we last hung out. we've both been busy doing our own thing and our paths just never seemed to crossed. that's the one thing i truly miss about living closer to friends. to be able to just call someone up during the week and meet for a drink or whatever. now my life has come down to planning. for those that really know me—well you know how good i am at that. we met up in hongdae. our day started out in a cafe, who's name escapes me. i really got to be better at remembering the names. from there we ventured to purple records. i was looking for kristin hersh's new cd. of course it was a bust. i asked the lady if she could order it. she wrote down my number but we'll see if it actually happens. [fingers crossed]. seeing that food was much needed we grabbed some sandwiches at jenny's. this seems to be the spot chen and i always end up at. their sandwiches do rock though. and i was so craving one. of course a day out with chen wouldn't be the same without hitting the anime shops so that's what we did. i scored three new toys for my collection. luck must have been on my side cuz i ended up with the ones i wanted. one never knows which character is going to be inside those boxes. we had a brief jaunt through fashion street and youth town which is in front of ewha women's university. i scored a white pully that looks like its out of blade runner. me was very excited. it's very rare that the "one size" fits. we ended the evening meeting up with mz. amber at a tea place that looked like my mommom's house.

last night i had a dream. it had something to do with my friend shortcake. although in the dream it wasn't her per se. the gist of it escapes me; however, i do remember the end. i was in a house. a big colonial style house. it was mine. i was wearing a robe and blue slippers. i was walking down the stairs, heading toward the big, white door. my hand reached out for the gold knob and opened the door. outside night was still there. i stepped out onto the opened porch which was the length of the house. as my foot touched the ground i heard a crunching sound. snow. the porch was covered in fresh snow. i hadn't even noticed it before. everything was covered in a fresh blanket of snow. on the corner of the porch were two girls. one was in lavender. they made a comment about the snow. although i don't recall exactly what was said. i replied but my words escape me. i shortly awoke to the sound of my phone. it was pevil. she had called to tell me that shortcake had passed away. i was at a loss for words. while speaking with pevil, i kept looking at the photo of shortcake and i on my wall. it was good to speak to pevil. we were able to laugh a little, which is always good. i spent my morning in some what of a daze. i guess we are never quite prepared to hear about a friend's death. it got me thinking. life is too unexpected. you just never know when things will change. i've so many friends out there that i seldom speak to and i want that to change. it's time to make an effort. an effort to reach out at least once a month to just say hi. i don't want to lose another without them knowing that i care. i will surely miss shortcake, who i often thought of as a little sister. she was full of spunk and had a great spirit about her. i hadn't spoken to her in awhile so i'm not really sure what was going on in her life. she had seemed happy the last time we chatted. i only wish that where ever she is now that she has found some peace. i will think of you often. goodbye, shortcake.

today's bit of news also made me think of yet another friend i had lost about 6 years ago. at that time i wrote something to her. it seems only fitting to share it now:

untitled
it's hard to express how i feel
never to be one who is forthcoming with emotions
i keep things bottled up waiting to explode

i wanted to call the minute i learned
of your ailing condition but i was afraid
for i did not know what to say

a small part of me imagined i'd see you at christmas
most likely not wanting to believe the truth

i heard about your condition just weeks before
the shock of the news just never sunk in
i hoped you would conquer this, like you did before

never in all my life did i imagine that i'd get that fateful call
i listened to the message twice
hoping, wishing i had heard it wrong

both times the words "bonnie pasted away"
were clear as a bell
there was no mistaken it

i wish i had the courage to call you
to hear your sweet angelic voice

a voice that made me laugh so many times
just to hear it one more time

stay gold & be well…

you get what you give

deery-lou.
thanksgiving. tomorrow is thanksgiving though living here one wouldn't know it. its been over 10 years since i spent thanksgiving with my family. when i moved to boston in 1994 i stopped going home. it was partly because i chose to go home for christmas, however, there was deeper reason for me not returning. florida and thanksgiving brought back memories of my friend lil. on thanksgiving 1990 my friend, who had been missing for several days prior, was found dead. we would later find out that she had be killed by her landlord. it was a most brutal murder. the kind you might have read about or seen in a movie and thought how unbelievable it was. the events that unfolded that holiday season would stay with me for some time. i vaguely even remember spending time with my own family. my days were spent comforting friends at lil's mom's house or at sc's house. emotionally i was a wreck. lil's mom had asked me to go to lil's apartment to gather up her things. i couldn't. instead i made up an excuse. they found a letter addressed to me from lil among her things. they asked if it could be read. i agreed but didn't want to read it. crump did. we were all hoping it would shed some light on what had happened. i remember seeing crump's mouth move but couldn't hear any sounds. i don't think i was ready. that's the day i cried. cried like i've never have before.

prior to going home that holiday in 1990, i had no idea that lil was even missing. i remember the drive from georgia, where i was attending college, as if it was yesterday. it was late at night. outside it was cold. i was driving down some back road in georgia. i had just lit a cigarette. joy by the sundays was playing on my stereo. that's when it happened. all these thoughts of lil started rolling around in my mind: would i see her this trip?, how would i get in touch with her?, who would have her number?. etc. chills ran through my body. then like that, it all faded. i still think of that precious moment every time i hear that song. perhaps it'll stay with me forever.

once i had gotten home i learned about lil's disappearance from a friend's mom. immediately i called everyone i knew to find out what was going on. no one seemed to have an answer. with each day that passed more and more information surfaced. we spent those days together as friends. none of us wanting to be alone. then we got the fatal news that shattered any hopes we had. lil was no longer with those. that event changed everything. i didn't see thanksgiving as a time to be joyous. it was now a holiday of sadness. and to avoid that sadness i stopped going home to avoid those memories that were still so fresh in my mind.

lil was an individual. i've never met anyone like her since nor do i think i will. she often spole her mind. she was spunk. and her spirit was strong. i'm so glad she entered into my life, even if it was only for a short period of time. our friendship was filled with ups and downs. just like so many are. but we always found our way back. she taught me alot about life and myself. for that i'm grateful. i'll always treasure our time together. there's not a day that goes by when i don't think of her. i wrote this in the spring of 1991. i wrote it for lil.

The Letter
Days drag by,
and still I watch the television.
5 o'clock, 6 o'clock, 11 o'clock.
The hours when your name is spoken on every channel
by unfamiliar faces painted like Barbies
always behind custom-made desks of artificial wood.

For me, nothing is taken on face value anymore.
To hear them utter your name
a name sweet as any nectar to my lips.
Only now the topic of town gossip
forcing me to accept what waits outside my door.

A stone thrown into placid waters
sank to depths unknown.
Men sift through mounds of coarse dirt
in hopes of finding gold, only to recover bone.

That letter never mailed
discovered in a box of your belongings.
Shadows step forward trapping me in the darkest corner.
Alone, fingers transfixed on the envelope
afraid to open, afraid to hear your voice.

it took me a few years to finally put it all behind me. as time passed i didn't see thanksgiving as a dark storm cloud. i found new traditions. mainly spending it with new found friends. my thanksgivings in san francisco have by far been the best. they started with pevil. we began our own tradition with turkey for two. then it grew as more friends stayed in sf for the holiday. my fondest memory is when misty and i hosted a somersize thanksgiving for our friends. who would have guessed that no bread stuffing would be so good. thanks suzanne.
well—to all my friends out there, happy thanksgiving. i'll be thinking of you.

stay gold.
be well…

joy
by the sundays

The lone ranger sold his wardrobe
The lone ranger sold his bad dog
Well you saw him and you could hardly know
Cos times change.... I know
Some days he's more than humble
On some days he's cold and mad, mad as hell
Well you saw him and you can hardly know
It's so strange.... and well I, I know
Those lakes of golden water
Those lakes of gold are all running out
Well you saw him and you could hardly know
It's so strange... and well I, I know

Joy, joy, joy
Work, work, work harder
Sure as the hours
Joy, joy, joy
Work, work, work harder
You say